How to deal with unwanted intamacies at work
by Snoopy6
Summary: Minerva McGonagall gives guidence on what to do when the worst comes to the worst


How to deal with unwanted intamacies at Work by Minerva McGonagall  
  
Disclaimer : I own nothing , just the plot maybe  
  
Lesson 1: Dealing with that grease ball.....  
  
When the most disgustingly horrid Professor in your whole circle of working staff decides he can't hold out any longer and you find a PINK note lying on your desk in your study declaring his apparently full blown feelings for you,you say to yourself a number of things......  
  
"Ohh My God! Pass me the sick bucket I'm gonna be sick!"  
  
"Whats the number of that muggle beauty parlor ? I'm gonna sue em! They said I would look like a ravashing beauty, not a beast!" (owing to the fact that you got guys like I mentioned above falling at your feet)  
  
"Ohh why does things like this ALWAYS happen to me , God what have I done to deserve this?!"  
  
Or you just turn a ghostly pale and knock yourself out for the next ten minutes , then when your icky admirer finds you and brings you round , you take one look at him and faint again for a further twenty minutes!  
  
Yes these thoughts are understandable for a woman in a crisis like this, but please don't fret ,let me tell you of my experiance of a certain disaster very similar to this..  
  
It started as a normal Monday interval , several of my teaching staff and I were sitting in the teachers staff room debating over the highly contreversial point of " Pupils making out in unsutiable places" which was causing a storm between many of them  
  
"yes Professor Sprout it is fair to say that they are growing up and will experiment with each other but not when they're making out in the middle of my classroom! IN MID AIR! It's highly distracting to my other students , I can't teacher them a thing!" spat Professor Flitwick ,head of charms ,practically choking his lungs out at Professor Sprout.  
  
"it's a serious problem!" chimed in Prof Sinatra "I agree!"shouted prof Vector a little too enthusiasticly for my liking  
  
"I've caught Potter and that abmsyl child Granger at it four times this week in my room! FOUR TIMES!" growled prof Trelawney  
  
"I never thought of Hermione Granger like that , shame for Weasley though, wasn't he supposed to be going out with Granger? He loves her to bits he does! And Harry Potter his best friend doing that to him , how could he!I just hope Weasley doesn't find out" said Prof Sprout quietly  
  
Despite what Professor Sprout had said ,I felt my hackles rise, how dare Trelawney insult my star pupil! Snape must've saw me get angry too because he stepped in before I could say anything.......quite strange of him though to be defending a Gryffindor pupil over a teacher..  
  
"Now, now Trelawney , no need to describe Granger as absmyl, she is no better at divination than you are"he camly said as he got up. Hehe good one Severus. Prof Trelawney considered herself the Ultimate authority on divination and to be compared to Hermione Granger the 3rd yr student who she described as having " very little aurora" and being "hopelessly mundane" was a very big insult indeed!  
  
Prof Trelawney stared stonily at Snape as he walked passed, he only ingnored her................  
  
............but when he came to walk past me gave me a cheeky smile, not a sneer which I'd normaly expect but a genuine smile..........  
  
I shuddered......urrgghhh......what was up with him today?  
  
Apart for that the day when normally enough , I bawled at Fred and George Weasley for having a sword under the table with a rubber chicken and tin parrot ,and gave Malfoy a weeks worth of detention with Flitch, cleaning in the trophy room for turning Eloise Midgen into a duck and setting her tail on fire, everything was fine untill lunchtime atleast...  
  
As I was heading over to the high table for lunch I noticed my usual seat between Prof Sinatra and Prof Vector was taken by none other than professor Dumbledore ...... strange......and something else was strange...Snape was missing too  
  
"Minerva dear ,I'm affraid Severus is having a little trouble whipping up a love potion -"  
  
A LOVE POTION! WHAT THE FU-  
  
"and I'm affraid I'm a little err busy at the moment" (prof Vector and Prof Sinatra had come over very giggly and were sitting on each of his knees...sheesh!) "could you please go down to the dungens and consult him on how to do it please?" he smiled "my little flower"  
  
I scowled " As you wish Albus, but never call me your little flower again."  
  
He chuckled , his eyes sparkling behind his half moon glasses "Thankyou Minevra"  
  
I made my way down to the dungens, in a VERY bad mood indeed , love potion! What was he making a love potion for! AND a man of his skill should be able to concuct a simple love draught , what did he need me for!? On the way I stopped by my study to get a chocolate frog for now it look liked I wasn't having lunch ( I'm actually very fond of chocolate frogs for all who didn't know) and spotted it , the pink note lying on my desk.  
  
Dear Minerva (my sweet , my love, the one who I watch in awe because she is so so beautiful) Right how can I start this....well I couldn't hold this in much longer and I just had to tell you how much I love you, how my heart skips a beat everytime you enter the room, how everytime you brush past me , you send goosebumps to every inch of my skin and how i hope to God that you feel the same about me, because Minerva (ohh how I love that name) it would be just too much to be rejected by you. P.S. I love you so much. Severus Snape X x 1000 (a thousand kisses for the woman i long to bestow them on)  
  
and at the bottom of the note....  
  
Severus Snape + Minerva McGonagall  
  
My first impulse was to jump in the shower and wash away anything to do with Snape. No actually my first impulse was to go down to that dungen and perform Avada Keddada on him , strangle him , do whatever I could to make him dissapear, but in a tricky situation like this you have to keep cool , keep your head on, so I formulated a plan and here's what I did...  
  
I looked out my oldest foulest perfume Au dung du toilette (the name says it all doesn't it?) and wandered lazily down to the dungens where he had a 3rd yr class "Stupid prat , think he can do that to me huh? I've got just the spell!"  
  
I knocked on his classroom door "Come in!" he boomed , I cringed and prepared myseld for the worst......  
  
"Ohhh Severus ohhhh I just got your PINK note and I love it and I love you too!" I ran around the classroom and flew at him finnally flinging my arms around him thinking ohh god I am such a prat but this has got to work (at this point the class where crying with mirth, just what I wanted) Ohh Severus I love you soooo much, infact I'm going to read out the note you gave me because I want everyone to know the love we have for each other!"  
  
He whispered in pleadingly "Please Minerva , please I'm begging you , I love you too but please don't read out the note please Minerva , please" his face ruby red , a colour which I hadn't ever seen it before....  
  
Ohh I'm evil, I just couldn't help myself , I read it  
  
Snape was practically on the floor with embarrassment , so where the class rolling around with laughter....  
  
"Ohh Snape gimmie a cuddle!" ( right on cue more screaming laughter)  
  
I flung my arms around him again, he sniffed and ducked out of the way ready to be sick at the smell of my perfume , just enough time to perform that spell...  
  
I grabbed my wand...........1 2 3!  
  
"DIFFENDUEA!"  
  
Snape came speeding towards me landing in a crumpled heap, got up and tried to run off again but found he couldn't go more than three feet away from me.  
  
Handy little spell that is.  
  
"Ohh severus we can be together all the time now (aye right!) you need to go everywhere I go and I need to go everywhere you go, ohhh Snape won't it be lovely!(urrhhhgg) Ohh and guess what! I have 2 free periods this afternoon , I can stay with you while you teach your classes, ohh Snape it will be wonderful!" ( I practically gagged at the thought but couldn't help wondering if I had cracked him yet......he certainly looked broken down)  
  
I went in for the kill and gave him a peck on the cheek (well I wasn't sticking my toungue in that slimeball's mouth, it would be like kissing a slug , his skin was greasy enough thank you!) while still at his cheek I whispered dangerously in his ear "Don't mess with me severus , try anything with pink notes again then you shall face the consiquences"  
  
He nodded sheepishly , clamping his mouth tightly shut , obviously still heaving at the effects of my perfume.  
  
MISSION ACOMPLISHED!  
  
As his class went out I whispered the incantation to seperate us " finite Diffenduea " we sprang apart and walked away satisfied at my work.  
  
Everytime I see severus now he turns a pale sorta colour and avoids me completely  
  
For a few weeks after that though I got countless kids coming up to me questioning me about "our apparent relationship". Deal with them by simply giving them all a weeks detention in the forbidden forest with Hagrid...that does the job nicely.  
  
So the was to deal with that grease ball in work is , lead him on then come down on him like a tone of bricks, either do the same thing as I did or come up with something similar....but the whole moral of the story is to EMBARRASS him completely and he should stay outta your hair for the rest of your days.  
  
I hope my experiance had taught you a thing or two Minerva McGonagall  
  
A/N hope you all like it! lesson 2 is how to deal with that charmer , e.g. Flitwick! 


End file.
